Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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