Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
