people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this will be a night to untag.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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