I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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