dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wish there were birth control emojis
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
