just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they need to just BURY HIM!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
either way he was missing a nipple.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
