Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
