My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
