I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
