dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
