My balls are so social today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
