Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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