I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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