so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
