That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
