Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he puts the penis in happiness.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
