I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
