I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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