if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
