You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
