its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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