I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
