So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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