Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
