My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
