Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
