There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
