I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
