ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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