Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
