Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
