Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
