we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
