Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
dude. I can hear the air.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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