my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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