i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
