Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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