I just cut my nipple shaving
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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