my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
