She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
