I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
