saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
