I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
