I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
