my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
