What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
