Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
