the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
