I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
