Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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