it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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