So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
