Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
