she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
